Unemployment rate = 100%

I am unemployed, as an unemployed individual I make up approximately .0000001% of the unemployment rate in Utah, how special. For what seems like decades I have been actively looking for a job but, since I am still unemployed I obviously haven't found one yet. Do you know what frustrates me? I've sent out probably 15 resumes to various companies and haven't got a single stinkin' call!! Also, I had a weekend job that was supposed to start soon and was informed YESTERDAY that they no longer are offering this position...suck! My unemploymentness is starting to cause me consternation (I learned that one from my padre) and all sorts of stress. I thought "how cool, I don't have a job, I can sit around and watch movies and eat cheez-its all day" but NO this is not fun. I cannot accurately describe my boredom with this routine. Today I applied for two more jobs and I am currently using the "power of the secret" and harnessing my chi and all that weird stuff in hopes that I will get one of them.
Just for kicks and giggles I will describe to you a typical day in my life:

7:30 a.m. - hit the treadmill

8:20 a.m. - hit the shower

9:00 a.m. - hit the refrigerator

9:30 a.m. - sit at the computer doing pointless things (unless my dad has something for me to do)

11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. - wander aimlessly

After 4:00 my lovely sisters are home from school and I can bug them or we can go shopping or head to Starbucks...whatever. So, that's a day in my life, I'm not even joking.
So, everyone pray that the "job gods" have pity on me and hook me up!